Thursday, October 28, 2010

Put Some Breaks On That U-Haul...


A noble man once said, " Once a good girl's gone U-Haul, she's gone forever..." or something like that. I say to you, take heed! I mean, *ahem* not that we here at The LesbiFriends would have any such experience of our own, but observation is key to the science of this thing called life.

So let's discuss then, WHAT is U-Hauling? And WHY does it run so rampant? Have YOU U-Hauled lately? What is it about 2 women that makes them cling like 2 super charged magnets one moment, and repell the next?! Yes, feel free to share. Studies show U-Hauling is the leading cause of death among lesbian relationships, followed closely by the cancerous FriendlyEx Lymophoma, & IDidn'tReallyKnowThisBxtch Malignant Rumor. All of which are equally lethal if not picked up in their earliest stages. You read it right, I believe it can be rectified, saved even.

Ok, so maybe I have U-Hauled in my day, but I can't say that I regret it, only not making it work for the best for a person who could have very well been worth it. B-R-E-A-K was spelled that way in the post title for a reason... this post is not to do the usual berating of the U-Haul LesbiGeneration, but to help them save it... How? Well I'm glad you asked, Young Skywalker. Breaks. Yeah, I said it.Whether you intiate it, or are on the recieving end of that love-restraining order, go with it. I'm even guilty of throwing the word around myself, when I really meant "Break-UP" But don't be afraid lil' guy... I know it can be scary to some, but if used to its utmost potential, it can make your bond closer and stronger than before... or show you that you really didn't want it in the first place. Either way, you'll find yourself released from that purgatory you called a relationship. Time off could (and should) allow for major introspection, of self and the combing through of the finer details of the relationship.Yep, this is gonna require some alone time. 

Step 1: Don't Push - A little resistance is good, shows you still care. Too much shows you only care about what you want. Moreover, its a great way to have your boo REALLY go get the U-Haul & un-U-Haul your situation. This applies from beginning to end (of break time)... You want 'em to miss you, not dismiss.
Step 2: Carve out some space - for you to be away, or alone, or at least quiet with your thoughts. Sort through, explore, examine, even cry a little. Don't be afraid to explore every inch of emotion you feel, you may not get the chance to again. Love has a short attention span and we can easily forget what once meant so much.

Step 3: Bust out your notebook - and do a good ol' PRO& CON list, feeling really spicy? A Venn Diagram. Seeing it on paper can really help. You won't know what you've got til' it gone. It's like that watch you love to wear, didn't know it was missing, til you started to look for it.

Step 4: Get out there - In the world kiddo, you haven't been in awhile. See what fancy new inventions are out, check in on those friends you had many moons ago, talk to strangers. You gotta give yourself permission to have fun and room to miss the one you're (kinda) with.

Step 5: Can't Stop, Won't Stop - Caring. It's easy to slip down the slope of resentment, but don't. Simple as that. You still love your boo (hopefully) and want the best for your both. Dream of being together, but don't despair over being apart.

This list can go on, but my dear Jedi, these are the main points. So may the force be with you Young Skywalker. You've made a happy home once, and if the U-Haul gods smile upon you, you can again. In the words or Yoda, "Holler back youngin'".

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this. "Love has a short attention span and we can easily forget what once meant so much" << yes!

    I would add:
    a) Don't be the victim. Relationships are about meeting in the middle and breaks are not a punishment. Breaks are a viable option for a reason.

    b) Do it with actions and not just words. Saying that you're going on a break and actually doing it are two different things. You took a chance on the relationship so take a chance on saving it.

    c) Forgive: Yourself and her. The slate can't be "clean" but a healthy dose of understanding and genuine forgiveness can work wonders.

    d) Love yourself. I know, a bit cliché, but most important. Give yourself what you thought only she could give. If and when you meet back up, everything you receive from her is a bonus, a blessing you deserve.

    e) Be her friend. Love her for HER happiness. Not happiness contingent on you being in the picture or influencing that happiness whatsoever.

    **If when you suggest this break she gives you all the reasons under the sun why the break is such a bad idea, that could be (should be) your indicator that willingness to try any and everything should be as important to her as it is to you. If its not, you deserve better. Period.

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  2. Shout out to Railee for this comment: "Give yourself what you thought only she could give."

    It is vitally important for women not to become dependant on the objects of their affection. As women, we love hard; however, that love is often distributed to others and we're left with the remnants. Refocusing your distribution of love will teach you to appreciate yourself and value the love you distribute.

    Thank you for this post. Valid insights.

    XOXO

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