Friday, September 16, 2011

Hall of Shame




In lieu of Menace II Sobriety. We decided to take a trip down memory lane. For a second I thought about posting a "Hall of Shame" album with all our fave Lesbifriends caught slipping......but I don't feel like getting jumped this week by a mob of angry women because I posted pics of them with their ass out, or tongue wrestling with some random in the bathroom. I would however like to keep the momentum, and share a few tales of my most wasted experiences.

Jan "05" I was at Jackson State University playing my beloved "spoons" game with a most DREADFUL elixir called TAAKA VODKA. Id never heard of it before but when you're 20, and jobless in Jackson Mississippi all drank is good drank. Plus my new friends assured me they'd had it b4 and all was well. I met a few buddies at some random football players house that one of them was screwing at the time, and he matched the drink with pink KOOL-AID of all things. YES I said pink! Who the fuck knows what flavor pink kool-aid is anyway? Pink Lemonade? Kiwi-Strawberry? Peach? I dismissed the idea that this mystery drink was dangerous because it had to be watered down now with all the pink sugar water, so I dove in and threw caution to the wind.

6 blunts, 5 failed spoons games, and endless chugging of cotton candy flavored oil in my gut later and we've got a problem. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, only to apparently wake up 30 minutes later looking up to two tall, muscle bodied JSU football players standing on the softest bathroom rug my face ever felt. I was done. It was one of those situations when people describe an outer body experience. I was aware of everything that was happening, but couldn't do anything about it. It was like being in the bleachers watching my own show. My body couldn't function. They picked me up off the floor, each took one of my arms and threw it over their shoulders, and it was a sweet gesture. They told me it was ok......until I started PROJECTILE style vomiting all over their pretty little cream & tan decor. It landed on the carpet, the white walls, the lamp shades, and curtains.  Swear I've never seen such an assault on someones home. I had slurred speech, closed eyes, and the biggest grin (so I was told). All I could hear since I was semi-conscious is please don't throw up in my Jeep in a worried tone repeated until we arrived at my dorm.

Needless to say I was around some decent people. Aside from the fact that they allowed me to drink rubbing alcohol, and pass out. I didn't get gang-banged by 6'2 linebackers, and everyone made sure I got home safe and sound.



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